Big Questions & Hard Conversations

My daughter Donavyn, has been asking a lot of questions about my mom. We planted roses for her birthday last year but Donavyn was still too young to really understand why mommy was crying. ⁣⁣
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Today, she asked if the house we were passing was Nona’s house. It was surrounded by roses and they have been a theme in talking about my mom. (There’s a small tchotchke my dad gave my mom when they were first married that has a rose in it and the kids refer to it as “Nona’s rose” and play with it often). I told her no, but that every time she sees a rose, it is Nona telling her she loves her. She responded, “Roses don’t talk mommy”, so I explained it was Nona sending her secret messages. My hope is that she will feel a connection to my mom even though they never met...and feel a hidden strength and support that she can always carry with her.⁣⁣
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Then she asked where Nona was and I reminded her that she died, but that she is in my heart and in hers and is all around us, always. I’m not religious and it’s important to me that I don’t lie to make talking about it easier and this felt honest and ok. ⁣⁣
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She started crying really hard and I had to carry her home. She didn’t stop crying for a long time. It was a good, cathartic cry; the most adult show of emotion I’ve ever seen from her. I felt it too. ⁣⁣

I held her and we looked at my mom’s picture on the mantle for awhile and talked about how beautiful she was. Donavyn said she wished Nona had never gotten sick and died. I agreed; then we sat down and shared some Mac and cheese before having a snuggle and then she fell asleep.